Last year’s Eurovision went surprisingly well for the United Kingdom. Lucie Jones’ ‘Never Give up on You’ (our anthem for the EU) gained a respectable 111 points, placing us at 15th on the board. Yet with only 12 of those points coming from the televoting round, we obviously still have some way to go to win over the viewing public.
Apparently the rules stipulate we can’t send Scooch back with ‘Flying The Flag’, so this year we have another six songs to select from. Let’s take a listen… after all, WE DECIDE!
SuRie – Storm
Ana says: The piano intro reminds me of Bill Withers…. I’ll be honest, after being in Sweden for Eurovision 2016 every song will now be judged according to how good I think it will sound coming out of a pedestrian traffic crossing, and I’m not sure it would cut it. Apart from feeling like I’m shopping in Forever21 I actually don’t mind this one. High praise indeed. It’s nice and boppy, I could sing along to it, and YAY for a ‘clappy bit’.
Karis says: What a misleading intro – you think it’s going to be one of those soppy entries, but then it builds up into a cute little bop with a tremendous clappy bit. I envision a few ‘nil points’… but for me it’s DEUX POINTS!
Key changes: Zero.
Jaz Ellington – You
Ana says: TLDL – I’m shagging some other woman while thinking about you. But I’m still going to shag her for a week or so longer. Erm, no.
Karis says: I really wanted to like this one because I’m a big fan of the cape. However, not only is it a bit pants, it’s a bloody horrible thing to sing about. Shout out to my ex, you’re really quite the best? What the fuck, Jaz? Grow some balls and end things with this poor girl. NIL POINTS.
Key changes: Zero.
Liam Tamne – Astronaut
Ana says: Coventry’s answer to Nathan Trent doesn’t have a bad voice. I’d like to hear it sing a better song. Astronauts just make me think of Slavko, and then I get sad. Now THAT was a good entry….BRB, I’m off to get my suit on and not worry about stuff.
Karis says: This one’s actually a bit of a grower, not a shower. I have some concerns around consent here though – does she want her body to be taken far away? But yeah, whatever, it’s alright. DEUX POINTS!
Key changes: Zero.
Goldstone – I Feel the Love
Ana says: So my initial notes for this say ‘sounds like Wilson Phillips on ketamine’. This has a promising start but then goes off the boil for me. I feel like I’ve heard this before, in the 90s, and not in my usual AND I REALLY LOVE THE 90s way. Have they sampled the music from Lemmings? I can’t even finish a second listen through.
Karis says: Oh here we go, a group, with three times the risk of someone hitting a bum note in the live show. We do love a clappy bit, and this song even tells us to clap our hands, so it’d get some love from us on the night. TROIS POINTS!
Key changes: Zero.
Asanda – Legends
Ana says: You know it’s a good song when you can picture the staging, lighting and choreography. I could really do some embarrassing nanna dancing to this too! This is my favourite of the six by far. I will totally be walking around singing ‘Hey Yeah Yeah Yeah’ for WEEKS…
Karis says: NUMBER ONE HIT. TOO GOOD FOR EUROVISION! This is my winner, for sure. This has all the potential for an epic performance, and we’ll be joining in stomping around to that chorus. DOUZE POINTS!
Key changes: Zero. The sweet little breakdown makes up for that.
Raya – Crazy
Ana says: Do I really have to listen to another? I’ve already picked the one I like. Oh FFS go on then. Yawn.
Karis says: It’s building up to something… that never comes. I feel tricked by this song. NIL POINTS.
Key changes: Zero. Zero anything.